Say Whaaat?

Under the general heading of “Say Whaaat?”

LAS CRUCES, N.M. — A District of Columbia clerk and a supervisor refused to accept a New Mexico man’s state driver’s license as he sought a marriage license because she and her supervisor believed New Mexico was a foreign country.

        Gavin Clarkson told the Las Cruces Sun-News it happened Nov. 20 at the District of Columbia Courts Marriage Bureau as he tried to apply for a marriage license. After approaching the clerk for a license and showing his New Mexico ID, Clarkson said the clerk told him he needed an international passport to get the marriage license. Clarkson said he protested to a supervisor, who also told him that he needed a foreign passport.

        The clerk finally concluded New Mexico was a state after Clarkson objected three times. The clerk granted the license to Clarkson and his fiancée. “She thought New Mexico was a foreign country,” Clarkson said of the clerk. “All the couples behind us waiting in line were laughing.”

Wanna bet she was home or charter schooled? As Ron White famously said,” You can’t fix stupid!”

        Todays “Hints from Heloise” include a well-intentioned warning about cold weather and house piping exposed to it. Along the way, however she altered physics when she said water expands “as it cools.”  No, it doesn’t. water at 100 degrees takes up more space than the same amount of water at 55 degrees.  It expands when it becomes a crystalline solid (you know, ice?)

        I had to copy this verbatim: It is just another example of he works of what has to be the most blithering pretentious and prolix group of writers in the world (other than Trump’s speech writers.

“Pinot Blanc perfect pair for shrimp or monkfish”

2016 Famille Hugel Cuvee Les Amours Pinot Blanc ($17)

“Bright, fresh tangerine and lemon meringue (really, like pie?), pear and nuts commingle in this refreshing wine, which clocks in at 12.5% alcohol. Pairs well with fresh water shrimp (can’t have those regular, old, ocean shrimp, apparently) lamb curry, red mullet in turmeric and monkfish in saffron.”

I find myself wondering just how many readers ever serve any of those dishes. This is pretentious wine snobbery taken to galactic proportions. They’re not always that bad, but two days ago a wine was described as having “An overtone of crushed rock.” Another, this one a Shiraz, had “hints of leather, tar and bacon.”  Oh, goody!

Finally, let’s all agree, can’t we, that the words “artisan”, “artisanal” and “hand crafted” are the most overused, overhyped descriptors in the world of food. “Hand cut” (as in steaks) is approaching this status as well. Who hand cuts steaks? Jackie Chan?