New Rule #18: There are some things so peculiarly American in nature that we as a country seem sometimes to define ourselves by them.  Not all of these are as great as, say The Marshall Plan, or The Broadway Stage; in fact some are downright embarrassing. It's much more fun to discuss the latter, so here goes.......  

          Only in America:
          Is there such a glut of non staple, sugar laden, fat loaded  food available that we actually use the word "fun" in conjunction with ingesting it  - a bodily process necessary for survival.  We have "Fun Sized" candy bars (you know the ones that  kids get for Halloween because the full sized ones are too expensive these days) and numerous fast food and dine in restaurants use "fun" in either their advertising, their logo, or their name, or all three.  It almost makes me wonder  if Og and Zog, upon spying a baby mammoth, said,  " uuuh ! fun sized!" Do Indian street urchins view food in terms of "fun" - most assuredly not, many never view enough!  The inner city kid, eating Mac and cheese for the fourth night in a row probably doesn't either. A "Fun Sized"  Snickers would push a Rwandan refugee child into sugar shock.  We are, by numerous accounts,  a nation with diabetes and obesity epidemics. Sound like "fun"? I didn't think so either.
             Only in America:

          Would a man like Texas Governor Rick Perry have a career conveying any responsibility, let alone a Governorship.  We survived one semi-literate ("I'm not a reader", "Is our children learning?") only to be bitch slapped with the specter of another, dumber. more retrograde one. Apparently Evolution is not only in trouble in Texas' schools, but actually, like a time warp, runs slower.  "W" just wasn't sure about evolution, but ol' Rick rejects it. He also apparently believes, all data to the contrary notwithstanding that the massive BP oil spill in the Gulf was not due to the malfeasance of BP and its subcontractors, as every subsequent  investigation has shown , but rather  “From time to time there are going to be things that occur that are acts of God that cannot be prevented.”   Apparently in Texas  God hates sea life, like he hates school children in Connecticut.  Apparently, Rick is challenged in geography also, since he believes there is a nation of.... ah hell, let him explain it: "No greater example of it than this administration sending millions of dollars into the solar industry, and we lost that money. I want to say it was over $500 million that went to the country  Solyndra."  

I could go on, but let's just finish with a few of the most egregious Rick Perry dumb assed statements: "I trust those independent school districts to make those decisions better than eight unelected and, frankly, unaccountable judges." –Rick Perry, getting the number of Supreme Court justices wrong (there are nine) This also means he would have trusted Southern school districts to remain segregated, by the way. "George W. Bush did a incredible job in the presidency, defending us from freedom." –Rick Perry in 2010 ( I think there may be some truth there, but not like Perry means!)  "Those of you that will be 21 by November the 12th, I ask for your support and your vote." —Rick Perry, getting both election day and the voting age wrong. I wonder how many Texans showed up late?

            Only in America:

          Can more persons can identify Snooki than Jonas Salk. We are a nation of  sellibrity (my new word, for the older readers) whores. We tend to idolize the inconsequential and ignore the true heroes of our Society.  Most Americans can't identify either Christiaan Barnard or Norman   Shumway. They can list the nicknames of the entire Honey Boo Boo mentally challenged family, but the men who pioneered heart transplants are a cipher. Dr. Charles R. Drew  remains relatively unknown to most Americans, while Paris Hilton, with no perceptible positive attributes is easily recognized. Dr. Drew, an African American  first separated blood into its components and developed the process of central blood banking. Most people can identify Donald Trump (and the wombat which lives on his head)  on sight,  yet the name of Norman Borlaug  draws blank stares. Trump, to date has done nothing to benefit society and remains one of the most pathetically self centered humans on the planet . Norman Borlaug, an American agronomist,  is responsible for an agricultural revolution that saved billions of people from starvation by developing  high-yield, disease-resistant wheat. Throughout the 20th century, Borlaug introduced this method of wheat production to Mexico, Pakistan and India, doubling food production and decreasing the rates of starvation in these countries. This came to be known as the Green Revolution.   Many Americans know all the stars of  whichever brand of phony (they all are)  "rasslin'"  show they watch, yet would have little comprehension of the heroism or significance of the late Sen. Dan Inouye. It makes your head hurt.

          This next is not only in America, but the attitude is pervasive here in certain circles. We are jealously protective of the civil rights of  our citizens as we should be, but we sometimes are willing to throw many to the wolves to protect an imagined right to privacy of a single individual. I would agree that, in the vast majority of cases, both Dr./patient  and Priest /penitent  discussions are and of a right ought to be privileged.  I also believe that the instant there is any indication of the likelihood of violence being perpetrated by a patient or a penitent, that seal should be broken for the greater good of the potential victims. I will not engage in religious or philosophical discussions here, but let me mention several names: James Egan Holmes, Jared L. Loughner, Adam Lanza, Seung-Hui Cho,  Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. These gentlemen are responsible for the shooting deaths of 90 innocents and the wounding of 108 more. In every case, there had been ample evidence to mental health professionals and/or family (especially in Lanza's case) of deep disturbance and accompanying troubling behavior.  Worse yet, Kliebold and Harris  had posted to  an online service significant details of what they intended doing.  Protecting their privacy is something AOL has to live with.  Holmes, Cho, and Loughner were all identified as deeply troubled, yet either their psychiatrists, or school authorities failed to call sufficient attention to them, Holmes' doctor even trying to get her notes excluded. In trial, that is the rule, but maybe prior notification to authorities before the shootings ?  I can get in serious trouble for having a swimming pool without a fence, but as a Psychiatric counselor  or priest, I can be aware of things which can result in violent death, but am within my rights to say nothing to prevent it. What's wrong with this picture?

              Only in America:

          Can a religious sect, invoking their rights of free speech, trample all over the rights of others and loudly,  publicly celebrate the deaths of  20 five and six year old children. The Westboro  Baptist Church has, for years,  made a public spectacle of celebrating the deaths of innocents as a protest against what they view as the sins of other, unrelated individuals. At no time, has anyone  intimated  that they have not the right to feel as they do. Unfortunately, they also have been legally supported in offensively shoving their minority,  hateful opinions down the throats of mourning families. While I'm not wild about  Sweden's extreme Socialist  government model, I do agree with their attitude toward the type of  extreme hate speech purveyed by W.B.C.  Sweden prohibits hate speech, and defines it as "publicly making statements that threaten or express disrespect for an ethnic group or similar group regarding their race, skin color, national or ethnic origin, faith or sexual orientation."  The crime doesn't prohibit a civil  and responsible debate, nor statements made in a completely private sphere. There are constitutional restrictions pertaining to which acts are criminalized.  The sexual orientation provision, added in 2002,  was used to convict Pentecostalist pastor Åke Green of hate speech against homosexuality (a la W.B.C.) based on a 2003 sermon.  If this law promotes civility in public debate and would stifle W.B.C., then we need one. 

              Only in America:

          Are we apparently impressionable enough (and sufficiently adman driven) to make the leap between a wonderful fantasy tale and a stack of pancakes. ladies and gents, I give you Denny's "Build your own Hobbitt Breakfast"  Really? A Hobbitt slam?  How about "Frodo, your feet are huge?!"  Delights include  the “Hobbit Hole Breakfast,” “Frodo’s Pot Roast Skillet” and “Build Your Own Hobbit Slam,”  including  new holiday favorites such as “Pumpkin Patch Pancakes,” “Shire Sausage,” and “Seed Cake French Toast.”  Add in   Gandalf’s Gobble Melt, “The Ring” Burger, Bilbo’s Berry Smoothies,  and Radagast’s Red Velvet Pancake Puppies. Made from real puppies, too, I hear.  In retrospect, there were many great opportunities missed in this field. Burger King is a British  company (which goes a long way to explain the shitty fries!), so why not a  Braveheart/BK  combo pack?  Of course Haggis, that Scottish fave would be there someplace  (The hard part is getting people on board with fast food haggis. You could put in on the menu in several ways: Robert the Bruce's Haggis Whopper, Fried Haggis Bites, and Wee Willy Wimky's Haggis Fingers. Add to that, The Drawn and Quartered Pounder. Like I said, a natural.            

        Whats next? "Shindler's Bisque?", "40 Year Old Virgin Olive Oiil"?, "American History Chex" (think about it), The new Energy Vitamin C drink -"Clockwork Orange", Friendly's "Any Given Sundae", "Lolita lollypops" (you know you want to lick em'), How about Red Lobster's "Prawn of the Dead?" . All these might work, but I'm afraid popular opinion  would jinx  the success of the  "Warhorse Half Pounder" (made with real horsemeat) and  of course  the Black Swan Tuna Taco has no chance!