In the interest
of promoting tourism, tourist safety and moral structure, American towns should
be required to install signage designating special or specifically designated
"sides of town."
I'm reasonably
sure that many who dwell in such towns are blissfully unaware of all the
various special districts within their municipal boundaries. Apparently, in some agreement reached early
in our history, it became the official
designated duty of singers and songwriters to warn others of these specially
designated regions.
Some of these districts, in truth, are simply common sense
references, and probably need no specific warning signs, as they pose no real
threat to the unsuspecting. Even so, many minstrels have taken it upon
themselves to describe them in song. John Prine and Curtis Mayfield tell us of the "Other Side of Town,"
although we should have been able to
intuit that if we were anywhere within the municipal boundaries, where we
weren't must have been the "other" side. Likewise, Lucinda Williams sings of the "East side
of Town," even though our GPS could probably suss that out as well. In
like fashion, Make Waves tells us we're on "This" side of Town, well
duh!
What I'm
speaking of here though, is those non geographical designations which carry
more serious connotations. Examples include the "Right" side (Javey
Gwaltney) even though we don't know why he considers it better than any other
side. Similarly to the "Right side" pronouncement are "My
Side" (Young Dolph), the "Poor side" (Johnny Rivers), the "Old
Side" (Tom T Hall), and "Your Side" (Maggie and Tae) which could
mean either that you're a slum lord who owns it, or you're being warned to stay
there, because it's where you've been restricted to living.
Far more
sinister, however are the nicknames which sound foreboding and seem to be
warning us to avoid them. Such regions
include the "Wrong side" (Firefall, Shangri Las). If you recall, the
Leader of the Pack came from this side. The
Jime, Eleanor Dunlop, Barry Adamson and Janis Ian warn us of , serially, the "Mean,"
"Rough," "Beaten," and "Dark" sides, although Ms.
Ian could simply be referring to a power outage.
Less defined,
but more interesting, is the "Gaudy" side (the Gayngs) whose meaning
is hard to fathom, although it could be most of Clark County, Nevada (Vegas,
for the geographically challenged) The
"Blue side of town" (Patty Loveless) might be so named because Patty was
actually devoid of love, ergo "blue." Since it's a country song, who
the hell knows anyway?
All these
aside, by far and away my favorite, simply because of the inferences and
possibilities inherent in the appellation is the Eagles' reference in
"Lyin' Eyes" to the widely sought (and frequently found) "Cheatin' Side of Town." Apparently, somewhere in America is a place
designated as an "Adultery Zone." This, on further reflection, is
probably a good idea- somewhat analogous to "Drug Free" zones near
schools. I mean, if people are gonna cheat (and some percentage will!), why not
tell them where they can do it in a designated area, instead of just using
elevators, public parks, taxicabs, restroom
stalls and all those other improbable and undoubtedly uncomfortable places? Of
course we need to be cautious here, because, while Don Henley and Glenn Frey were surely singing about
adultery, a less informed person might
assume that such a sign was directing then to the local financial district.
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