Live from God's waiting room

        Sitting in the dermatologist' s waiting room this morning,  I was contemplating the "no sun screen"  related  sins of my youth and watching the TV.  I actually felt pretty good, looking at the "80- somethings"  with skin tanned the color of a catcher's mitt, except for the white scars where chunks had been surgically removed previously by said dermatologist or one of his peers. Usually they have the TV tuned to something banal like the Weather Channel, which, considering  I live in The Villages, where almost every retail or service outlet's TV is welded to the Fox News Channel, isn't really all that bad. Ocala Eye's TVs are always on HGTV, so we know where their liberal sympathies lie (with mine).

        Today, however, the TV was tuned to whatever channel the Rachael Ray show is on. Don't get me wrong, I like Ms. Ray, and used to love her cooking show, when cooking with no live audience is what the show was all about.  Now, however, Rachael has  descended  into the pit of  "live daytime shows."  It's been a long time since I've even given a passing glance to this sort of programming, but as I sat there in God's waiting room (or so it seemed this morning) I came to some conclusions.

        First, there is obviously  a qualification test to be a studio audience member for this type of show. Apparently one must be willing to scream and applaud wildly at literally anything that happens. Additionally, one must, I think, put all disbelief on hold and treat anything said by host or guest(s) as gospel, and, again, scream and clap worthy. Finally, any product shown or endorsed must (yet again) call for screams and applause.

        One guest today was a woman who works for Oprah (screams/applause) and brought to the show, some super deals (screams/applause  - from here on abbreviated s&a) which were available at a discount (s&a) thanks to the show, Rachael and Oprah  (s&a).   All these items, also available through Amazon.com (s&a)  were on a large counter, under gift wrapped Christmas boxes with no bottoms, so they (the boxes) could be lifted, revealing the product to even more raucus approval.

        Item one was a box of one dozen muffins, of a brand Oprah (s&a) loves. They appeared to be  bran muffins with a swirl of something through them. Apparently the "something"  was silver or gold, since these muffins were available for "only" $85 per dozen. (s&a) Not to worry, through the show you could get them at a 20% discount, bringing the price down to $68 per dozen (s&a)! At five dollars each, with the discount these had better be some spectacular muffins!

        The next  box was lifted to the usual  pandemonium, even though no one in the audience could possibly have had a clue what the product was. As it turns out it was Christmas tree ornaments in the shape of whatever breed of dog one happens to own, available with your pet's  name engraved on it.  I assume this is so your dog can look up at it with a feeling of superiority, and tell the cat "See, they love me more!" I don't remember the price, but it was beyond ludicrous in cost.

        Through box after box, scream after scream, the proceedings continued until, fortunately, I was called back to get sprayed with liquid nitrogen in uncomfortable places before my brain exploded. 

And people watch this shit every day?