A "Healthy?" Skepticism

       Anyone who knows me knows that I am a skeptic in some areas. Religion, Political motives and the altruism of Donald Trump are examples. I am also, however, likely to be skeptical in some areas where it’s just me and for no particularly good reason.

        “The XXXX that doctors don’t want you to know” is a personal alarm bell. Like Seinfeld asks, “Who are these people and why don’t they want us to know?”  Sadly, if one gets suckered into reading an article with such a heading it’s usually something truly banal and a sales pitch, like “Our Beet juice and raisin cocktails are nature’s laxative.”

        Anything labeled as “Crazy” gets my guard up. “Use this ‘crazy’ technique to improve your (your issue here)”. Especially when used in conjunction with “Hack,” it is almost always something not only not crazy, but not even really unusual or effective.

        Any man who calls himself “Bull.”  This screams of deeply embedded inner assumed inadequacy. “Buck” and “Duke” are close seconds. A related category and close second is the invented name, like “Jeb” or “Chip.” This is, of course, unless your name really is something like “Jebediah” or “Chipworth.” I can also spare the criticism if your name is the three initials J.E.B. as in Jeb Bush, although the names "JEB" and "W" would seem to imply that the elder Bushes had difficulty remembering the actual names of their spawn. Neil, apparently doesn’t even rate an acronym.  

        Claims by Chiropractors to actually be doctors. I know, I know, you love yours, but I don’t give a shit. The originator of this sham “medical” field claimed to be able to cure Smallpox by spinal manipulation, and there are those who still ascribe to the “Palmer method.” "Doctor" Palmer also invented the word "subluxation" to describe what he identified as  "misalignment" which, according to him,  caused actual bacterial diseases as well as general discomfort. (yes, really, I'm not making this up.) 
       Modern chiropractors have at least had the decency to admit that there is no such thing as "subluxation."  Likewise, claiming to cure a cold with spinal manipulation implies that viruses can be killed with external pressure. They cannot. There are, I’m sure, some practitioners who still cling to the title probably because it sounds so good to be called “doctor” with about the same amount of education as a master’s in any real discipline.
        A good licensed massage therapist will treat you with proven manual manipulation methods until you are better; most chiropractors will treat you forever, as long as you have money. That is, assuming they don't kill you with gratuitous vitamin overload or electric shock first.

        Gratuitous and ludicrous labeling of all sorts. Actual label: “Warning, contains nuts” on a package labeled "mixed nuts" with a picture of the alleged nuts on it. It had f*****g well better contain nuts! Similarly, “premium” bottled water labeled “kosher, gluten free and organic.”  The technical meaning of "organic" has become so bastardized as to be almost irrelevant. In fact, all the meat and veg we eat are organic, in that they contain carbon, while the water mentioned above is H₂O, ergo non-organic! “Gluten free” is the worst, since all that is required in most cases is the addition of those words to the label. Of course, orange juice, peas and potato chips are gluten free; they don’t contain wheat.
        Sadly, this is compounded by the current myths surrounding gluten. Gluten is an issue if you have celiac disease. If you are one of the less than 1% of Americans with celiac, avoid it. People who have celiac disease have strong digestive distress when they eat food containing gluten and can even react to trace amounts. When they eat gluten, their immune systems turn on their bodies and attack the lining of the small intestine.
       Some mythically believe a gluten free diet helps with weight loss. Horse puckey. Reducing gluten won't reduce your "glutes." Between organic (Whole Foods Market's slang for “more expensive and insect damaged”), Non-GMO and Gluten Free, we have become a nation of label watchers, rather than informed consumers and judges of what’s actually healthy for us individually.

      Now, if you'll excuse me I'll return to writing my latest poem, "Ode to my Organic, non-GMO, Vegan Bicycle."