Colored Lights & the Dreaded HFCS

Today's paper highlights just the thing for those with too much money and no common sense:

“Kohler’s DTV+ system brings a multi-sensory shower experience that incorporates a touchscreen interface and six preset options to customize speakers, steam, spray and ‘chromatherapy’ lights.”

“Chromatherapy?” Really? Steam and spray – maybe, but if you have time in the shower to listen to music and soak up "therapy light" (fake science at its worst) then you need a hobby.

Ona sweeter note, I made waffles this morning. I like mine with maple syrup, Emily prefers Log Cabin. As I am prone to do, I read stuff, frequently food packaging labels, while I eat and, in my stunned condition after seeing that the Orioles actually won a baseball game, my eyes drifted to the maple syrup bottle’s list of ingredients. It was succinct: “Maple syrup.” Below that it advised, “refrigerate after opening.” Period.

      I then turned my attention to the Log Cabin bottle with the familiar, homey picture of the rural cabin in the woods. Apparently, the manufacturer would like the consumer to see the product as a natural, folksy, traditional, etc, sweetener. Warning #1 to the analytical reader should be the large banner across the width of the label proudly proclaiming, “No high fructose corn syrup.” 

       The only reason to lead with this disclaimer is that almost the entire sweetener content is …wait for it, “corn sweetener.” The next ingredient is water, and then “sugar.” While the label doesn’t specify the sugar source, it’s a safe bet that if it were cane sugar, they would proudly note that fact. This makes it a sure bet that the sugar in question is fructose, which is the extra additive in ……high fructose corn syrup.

       Of course, there are those (the “chromotherapy” crowd, probably) who eschew HFCS because they’ve been told it causes all sorts of dreaded things, essentially all of which pejorative warnings apply to fructose (fruit sugar, a natural component of most fruits and veggies) …period. These include things like risk of diabetes, weight gain, “empty calories” (like all sugars), etc., all of which relate to sweeteners in general, especially, but not limited to corn-based ones.

      So, what’s the real difference between corn syrup and HFCS? Not very damned much as it turns out. Regular corn sweetener is 50% fructose NFCS is a whopping 55% fructose. Yep, a whole 5% more! How much do you wanna bet that the third label ingredient (“sugar,” almost assuredly also fructose) is about 5% of the total, but added separately to allow the Log Cabin label to proudly proclaim the absence of HFCS?

       The label also advises “refrigeration not required.” This is undoubtedly due to sodium hexametaphosphate (sodium benzoate, sorbic acid and phosphoric acid) added to retard spoilage. Oddly enough in tiny print across the top of the label, if one peers closely, you can see the words “A family tradition since 1887.” Wanna bet? Certainly not in the current formulation.

Of course, my maple syrup has been the same since the first proto-Huron licked his finger after getting some sticky maple tree sap on it. I can visualize the light bulb over his head as he thinks “Man, if I boil this gooey shit down it will be really delicious in case anyone ever invents waffles.” Thank you, Leroy Running Badger!