Sloppy/misleading language

        The late George Carlin, before he became just the “angry old man,” used to riff on various sloppy language issues. One of my favorites was his discussion of how we “nicen up” (or dumb down)” simple terms. Examples included “hearing impaired” for “deaf”, and “handi-capable” for “crippled.”  He went on to predict how this might evolve into a “Rape victim” becoming an  “Involuntary sperm recipient” (ouch) and “Vomit” becoming “Involuntary personal protein spill.” With that in mind, here are some personal language peeves, branching out into some personal opinions, as you knew I would.

        Ok, I opened a can of Belle’s dog food today and for the eleventeenth time noted the words “Homestyle Lamb Dinner.”

       I’ll grant Blue Buffalo the right to boast about their food….reasonably. The mixture is primarily lamb and vegetables, but then goes on for 38 additional ingredients (yeah, I counted). That ain’t “homestyle.”  I’m not even sure what “homestyle” is, but I envision someone at a stove, lovingly crafting some sort of comfort food. I seriously doubt that the machines which crush and debone lambs are in Blue Buffalo or anyone else’s kitchen. 

       As a side effect of social isolation, we actually stooped to microwaved dinners last night (Marie Callenders, in truth, fairly edible and on sale!) The dressing in the turkey dinner was described on the label as “homestyle.” Really?  Only if you live in Stove Top land. The fact that we had Pinot Grigio with it is on us.   

        Also, since I’m here, why are there medical “things” which “they” don’t want you to know? Usually these involve eating, smelling, or rubbing something on a body part which isn’t usually considered part of a health care procedure. A fair number of these are accompanied by the word “Protocol” and feature heavily in print ads for Chiropractors. I know why. “Protocol” sounds scientific and professional, unlike joint rubbing and sketchy dietary supplements.

        Speaking of dietary supplements: I am fairly sure that there are a reasonable number of dietary supplements on the market which, even if they are fraudulent in their claims, and trust me many are, won’t hurt you. That said, how do you know?

        When you take a prescription drug which is still “on patent,” you probably paid too much, but were at least reasonably assured that it was safe (except for some of those we see advertised on TV which, in either small print or rapid speech, warn you that, “While your “A1c” will decrease, your genitalia may atrophy, bleeding from bodily orifices, death,  or something equally dire, may also occur.

          We know that (or assume that) the FDA has required the manufacturer of the original version of the drug to demonstrate that the drug meets the test of “safe and effective, taken as directed” standard. The “taken as directed” part is critical since, as I have written elsewhere, in 1918, in the midst of a world Flu pandemic and  with the FDA in its infancy, Aspirin (Bayer’s copyrighted trade name since 1899) was already the miracle drug for the new millennium and never came under FDA scrutiny. So…when doctors prescribed 10 times toxic dosages…..! Some estimates are that perhaps half the US deaths attributed to the Spanish Flu were due to aspirin poisoning!

        I say that, to say this: Dietary supplements are not subject to FDA approval and there is zero requirement to show safety or efficacy. Period. You might be eating pelletized dried sloth dung labeled as Folivora Pilosa extract. Reading the small print on a bottle of some of these off the shelf (and sometimes off the wall) products reveals that they tell you there is no proof that they have any value.  

        If I were to choose to do so, I could click on the annoying sidebars which appear, without being summoned, on my on-line Bridge game and find at least 30 or 40 “foods you should never eat.”  One such even leads with the promise that buying the book will unlock the "secrets to emptying your bowels every morning." (yes, exactly that!)

        Sadly, some doctor’s name is attached, and they’ll be glad to sell you a copy of their book warning against the evils of eggs, broccoli, bacon(!!) and whatever else they choose to malign. Of course, I can find another book which gives advice to the contrary. I envision these to be much like matter and anti-matter: Put them side by side on the mantle and “poof” they neutralize each other and disappear (if only!).  

        Such is the case with, as just one recently publicized example, colloidal silver. Silver is a non-reactive “noble” metal, like gold. Yet “DR” Sherrill Sellman (I put the DR in quotes because Sellman is a Naturopath, not a real medical doctor)  will be happy to send you a 16 ounce bottle of  “Health Max Nano-Silver Liquid”  for $42.00 (plus tax). She and Jim Bakker, who also sells religion, “end times” food, and other unproven panaceas, actually claimed her Nano-Silver could “Kill Corona Virus.” Fortunately, the state of Missouri shut that line of hucksterism down. For the record, the only thing daily doses of colloidal silver have been proven to accomplish is turn the user’s body parts permanent bluish gray. It actually has a name -Argyria and is irreversible.

Same man, before and after years of daily silver ingestion 

        After the list of claims which include strengthening the immune system and others such as “A World Leader in Nano-Silver Technology, A Patented Silver Supplement, Doctor Recommended Natural Alternative, 10 ppm Silver,100% Vegetarian there is this, in much smaller print: "* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. If you are pregnant, nursing, taking medication, or have a medical condition, consult your physician before using this product."

Oddly enough, the one real doctor whose recommendation is cited is an Obstetrician in Florida.

       As I said, Mr. Carlin used to rant about “sloppy and misleading language.”  He’d have had a field day with this!