Only in Florida

Only in Florida

        Some of us, I know, have seen reports of things which others have done which show such incredibly poor judgement and thought that perhaps some persons just shouldn’t be allowed to breed. Not talking eugenics here, but evidence-based action.

       Today’s leading candidate is the moron in South Florida (where else?) who was “staying with” a couple of friends, who were out of the house at the time. After becoming intoxicated, he asked their 12-year-old daughter if she wanted to drive his SUV. She, unsurprisingly, thought that was a good idea, and they went for a spin.

       When the state trooper pulled the vehicle over after clocking it at 85 on the interstate, and noticing that the driver was appreciably under legal driving age he, reasonably, I think, inquired as to exactly what the f*** was going on   .

       The “baby sitter,” after acknowledging that he was intoxicated (a no-brainer according to the police report), told the (now “arresting”) officer that he wanted to be like a “cool dad” and had encouraged her to speed. Emasculation seems appropriate here, before he actually becomes a dad.

        In other Florida oddities news: The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office has asked for the public's help to identify a man caught on camera masturbating at a construction site in Thonotosassa at least three times during the past six weeks. The sheriff's office said the man keeps trespassing at a posted no trespassing construction site, removing his clothes and masturbating. He then leaves undetected. No vehicle has been identified. I know some people are fascinated by construction sites, but…c’mon.  The "phantom chicken choker" has been described as “29 to 35 years old with dark hair, 5 feet 8 inches to 5 feet 10 inches tall, and is obese.”  I would really love to hear the interview when, or if, they ever apprehend this freak!

        The guy mentioned above should meet the man being sought by Pasco County Sheriff's deputies, who are looking for a man, nude except for a woman's bra, who broke into vehicles in New Port Richey recently. The man, either unaware of or indifferent to  security cameras, was naked except for a black bra and a baseball cap, and was caught on video breaking into a fenced parking lot. Having broken into the lot, deputies said the man burglarized several cars. I wonder where he put the results of his efforts?

just a bra! (and baseball cap)

        There must be something in the water.  Last year, in Miami, another naked man was caught on video burglarizing the concession stand at a Little League field. I mean, c’mon, man, Little League?

        Earlier in the year, A 23-year-old Clearwater man (South Florida again!) was busted after being accused of possession of multiple drugs, strangely including ecstasy pills shaped like Donald Trump's head. (eeeww, and he put that in his mouth? 

thought I was kidding. huh?

        One Brendan Timothy Dolan-King was arrested and charged after a search of his home turned up illegal drugs including MDMA(“Ecstasy”) pills that bore a resemblance to Donald Trump’s head, with the word Trump on the obverse. The police became suspicious after being called to the home for a heroin overdose (yep, that would be probable cause, all right!)

        While there, the heroin-impaired Dolan-King gave officers permission to search his home. A veritable pharmacy was found, hidden in an air vent. Among the stash was cocaine, fentanyl, cannabis oil, and marijuana, not to mention the Trump shaped (and, appropriately, orange) MDMA. 

        The offender is out on bail and, one supposes, working on a plausible explanation while awaiting trial following his arrest for possession of fentanyl, heroin, MDMA, marijuana, and cocaine.

And these folks walk, unsupervised, among us?