News Flash!

The surprise announcement by House Speaker  John Boehner, that he plans to resign, not only as Speaker of the US House of Representatives, but from the Congress, has left many Americans pondering the origins of this momentous decision.

Accordingly, Mr. Boehner's staff has issued the following press release:  "During the Pope's recent address to the US Congress, several staff members noticed the Speaker emotionally reacting to the Pontiff's comments. Concerned, immediately following the event,  they escorted Mr. Boehner  to Walter Reed Army Medical Center, where an MRI revealed a decent bone in his body. Small though it was, it was sufficient for major concern. The immediate diagnosis was that the Speaker had suffered a growth known medically as  "Adult Onset Moral Fiber."  While a conscience is almost never life threatening , the decision was made that the Speaker should withdraw from his role as leader of the Republicans in the US House,  due to what would surely (as the disease progressed) become his increasing inability to be the consummate asshole that the Far Right wing of his party wants him to be."  Mr. Boehner attempted to downplay the  increasing split between his party's Tea Party faction and it's small  literate centrist wing, saying "It isn't about me." 

 Immediately Both Senators Cruz and Rubio issued their own statements saying "The hell it isn't."  More on this story as it develops.