4/22/2012 - just a rant
I have
friends (I know, who'd have thunk it?) who are English teachers , or as they
are now known - Language Arts teachers.
They frequently hover somewhere
between outrage, depression and despair due
to the horrific things being done to the English language these days. I fully
agree with my colleagues, as we seem to be bombarded from all quarters with
perversions of the language. I reflected on the things that drive them and me
nuts, and came up with this partial list.
1. No word
in the language is made plural by the use of an apostrophe followed by an
"s" ! Not a one, none, zip, nada. period. Yet we see TV ads and signboards paid for, I
assume, by persons who want "consumer's"
to appreciate their superior
"product's." I wish I was making this up, but the other day I saw an
advertisement for "donut's." A
misspelling wrapped in a mispunctuation ...aargh, make it stop!
2. A point that is so obvious or so immutable
that arguing it is pointless is "moot." It isn't "mute", as about 60 % of Americans spell and pronounce
it. Of course if it were actually mute, there wouldn't be an argument either.
3. There are three homophones (sometimes confused with the
word homonym) that sound like "there." Unfortunately, in Facebook Speak, a
particularly virulent form of language abuse, they are used interchangeably there
("in
that place") , Facebook
land), with no regard to their (plural possessive) totally
different meaning. They're (contraction for
"they are") one of the
most heinous examples of this genre, followed closely by the frequent
bastardization of you're and your, as in you're (contraction of you are) clearly
demonstrating your syntactical illiteracy (it
belongs to you) by the entry on your Facebook page.
4. Even worse is the misuse of the word board. I've seen
entries such as "I'm board (in fact, a piece of wood) ." The correct terminology, unless proudly proclaiming
wood, is I'm bored (as in I need something to do). These could be self correcting if you use some
imagination.
5. We are frequently bombarded by commercials urging us to use a product or plan an event, or arrange a
meal "How
you want it". This is really common and, really incorrect. You can
have it the way you want it, or as you
want it; or if you're
Shakespeare, "As You Like it." Them's the choices.
6. Very few things is the Universe are so homogeneous that
the word "totally" is apt or appropriate five or six times in
a sentence when describing it or them. Ok? Ok!
7. I thought this discussion was laid to rest in a great
episode of Murphy Brown, but it lives on around here. What the hell does "alls I know"
mean? (as in :"Well, alls I know is that he got a bayheehearn.) The only
words that are even homophones for this non-word ("alls") are
"awls" as in several leatherworking tools and a selection of what Paula
Deen dresses salads with - "oils" -pronounced awls, as in "Awl and
Vinegar dressin'")
8." Irregardless" isn't a real word,
it is a distressingly more and more frequent irregular usage of "regardless." If you doubt me, open up your word processor,
type "irregardless" and spell check it. Guess what the proffered correction is? You guessed it - regardless.
Microsoft Word said it, so be it.
9. A definitive, uniquely designated thing is
"specific." The Ocean west
of the Americas is Pacific. I can't give you a "Pacific reason" for your linguistic shortcomings other than
gross ignorance.
10. The last, and most convoluted of my list (to date) is
two homonyms and a homophone, all of which I have seen thoroughly confused and
misapplied. Through (as in via),
through
(as in finished), and threw, (as in tossed) seem to be
essentially interchangeable in the minds of many these days. An abused cousin
of these three is thorough (as in complete, comprehensive), which is
often inappropriately abridged in Ad speak to thoro. On the
bright side there is one application of these which everyone gets right/wrong. If someone barfs, hurls, heaves, pukes, yawns
in Technicolor, sells Buicks or upchucks, we all say they threw up. No one says
"he through" up. On the other hand, "it" never stays "up", but always comes
down, usually on someone's shoes, hair or back seat.
And I do believe that's all I have to say about that (for
now).
No comments:
Post a Comment