Top ten ways to tell she's not the one
10. She has a smile
like the love child of Callista Gingrich and
The Joker.
9. She hoards cats
8. She stuffed
envelopes for the NRA and has a "Ted Nugent" tattoo on her abdomen
7. Her favorite thing
to make for dinner is reservations (oldie, but a goodie)
6. The butterfly on
her breast looks more like a vulture which circles her navel
5. She refuses to
give up her job as a sex surrogate for impotent dwarfs
4. Her high school
yearbook describes her as "most likely to develop acquired immunity to
STDs"
3. During sex she randomly shouts the names of Nsynch, the Backstreet
Boys, and the Bayonne chapter of Hell's Angels.
2. She insists her mom
come along on the honeymoon "for moral support"
1. . She's conjoined
with her brother at the pelvis
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