American Mullah

New Rule #30: Congress shall enact a bill declaring that from now until his death, every word uttered by Pat Robertson is irrelevant, mean spirited and devoid of spiritual significance.


       Before I amplify on this, I swear that every word I write about Robertson is true and documented. Born a Senator's son, Marion (yes, that's right) Robertson led a fairly normal life, but it got a bit shaky when as he claims he went Korea and was decorated in combat three times. You see, former Republican Congressman Paul "Pete" McCloskey, Jr., who served with Robertson in Korea, wrote a public letter which said that Robertson was actually spared combat duty when his powerful father, a U.S. Senator, intervened on his behalf, and that Robertson spent most of his time in an office in Japan.

       According to McCloskey, his time in the service was not in combat but as the "liquor officer" responsible for keeping the officers' clubs supplied with liquor. Robertson filed a $35 million libel suit against McCloskey in 1986, dropped it in 1988, before it came to trial and Robertson paid all McCloskey's court costs. So we have established a pattern of lying early on. Although a grad of Yale Law (same school as "W", weird, huh?) Robertson soon saw the money to be made fleecing the flock via radio and TV as a Baptist minister. Out of deference to real Baptists, many of whom have distanced themselves from him, Robertson claims to have regular conversations with God and at least once predicted the "end of days", saying the Lord told him so . Relax, it was to start in 1982 and be over by 1989! Robertson is also an advocate of Christian dominionism — the idea that Christians have a right to rule.(The World!) In several published writings, especially his 1991 book The New World Order, Robertson has offered theories about a worldwide Jewish conspiracy, plagiarizing chapter and verse from well-known anti-Semitic works.


       Lest you think all religion and no job make Robertson like most Protestant ministers, a man of average means, be advised that his personal fortune is estimated between $200 million and $1 billion. How does he do it, you say? Much of his income comes from sales of commercial time and the fleecing of viewers from his 700 Club TV show. Much of it also comes (or came) from blood diamonds. What??? Blood Diamonds - Pat? Yep : Robertson had extensive business dealings with Liberian president (and genocidal maniac) Charles Taylor. Taylor gave Robertson the rights to mine for diamonds in Liberia's mineral-rich countryside. According to two Operation Blessing pilots who reported this incident to the state of Virginia for investigation in 1994, Robertson used his Operation Blessing planes to haul diamond-mining equipment to Robertson's mines in Liberia, despite the fact that Robertson was telling his 700 Club viewers that the planes were sending relief supplies to the victims of the genocide in Rwanda.


       When the United States Congress passed a bill In November 2003 that offered two million dollars for his (Taylor's) capture. Robertson accused President George W. Bush of "undermining a Christian, Baptist president to bring in Muslim rebels to take over the country." At that time Taylor was harboring Al Qaeda operatives who were funding their operations through the illegal diamond trade. On February 4, 2010, at his war crimes trial in the Hague, Taylor testified that Robertson was his main political ally in the U.S! It is not known if any Blood diamond money financed Robertson's other favorite murderers - The Nicaraguan Contras, but it is a matter of record that when Ronald Reagan and Oliver North needed a way around the Boland amendment, Robertson funds provided it.

       As if these talents weren't enough, Robertson has also demonstrated clairvoyance, control of the elements, insider knowledge of the mind of God and an incredible well of hatred and bile. It's fun for me to describe his pronouncements, but I think you need to hear it from the devil himself. ladies and gentlemen, the lad himself in quotes.

      On January 4, 2012, Robertson reported that God had spoken to him and "He showed me the next president" but wouldn't name who it is. He did give an indication that it wouldn't be President Obama since Robertson said God told him Obama's views were at "odds with the majority" Really? Quick question here Pat. Was God wrong, or are you just full of hubris and bullshit?

       "It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-biased media and the homosexuals who want to destroy all Christians." (don't tell my Christian gay friends)


       "Lord, give us righteous judges who will not try to legislate and dominate this society. Take control, Lord! We ask for additional vacancies on the court." (Robertson calling in a divine air strike on the USSC)

       "(T)he feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."


       "The ACLU has to take a lot of blame for this" in addition to "the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays, and the lesbians [who have] helped [the terror attacks of September 11th] happen." (who could have guessed Al Qaeda even knew what the ACLU is?)


       "I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you, This is not a message of hate -- this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It'll bring about terrorist bombs; it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor." [Referring to "gay days" at Disney World (oh the horror, the horror!)]


       Of course, we all know that if you are a man and your wife has Alzheimer's, it's ok to divorce her. ""I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but to make sure she has custodial care and somebody (is) looking after her." (what would be the advice if the genders were switched? Any bets?) Likewise, of course general Petraeus had an affair, he's a man, she's a girl, June, Moon, alone at the drive in. It's natural (for men).


        "Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history." (still searching for those concentration camps full of Christians!)


       “I don’t think we condone wife-beating these days but something has got to be done,” he whined. After characterizing the wife as someone who “does not understand authority,” he “jokingly” recommended that the husband move to Saudi Arabia, so that he can legally batter her.


       This is Robertson's explanation for Haitiian poverty, hurricanes, dandruff, and flatulence.
"....something happened a long time ago in Haiti and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French, uh you know Napoleon the third (actually, Napoleon the third wasn't even born yet) and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the Devil. They said "We will serve you if you'll get us free from the French." True story. (and you know this how, Pat?) And so the Devil said, "OK, it's a deal." And they kicked the French out. You know, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other, desperately poor. That island of Hispaniola is one island. It's cut down the middle. On one side is Haiti, on the other side is the Dominican Republic. Dominican Republic is prosperous, (really? Ever been outside any resort there?) healthy, full of resorts, etc. Haiti is in desperate poverty.

       And now something that hasn't made the media. Years ago, when Robertson still was a preacher in the VA tidewater area, a young man, a foster child, was hospitalized after being badly beaten by his foster father and mother (for running away, imagine that.) The foster father had two cards to play; he was an ex Navy commander, and they were members of Robertson's church , quite a big deal at the time in the area. Robertson , as a character witness, pled with child services to overlook the violence and return the boy to the foster home. They did and within several months the child was dead, abused to death by Robertson's parishioners. I guess God wanted the kid dead, huh? A doctor friend of a very close friend once described Robertson as "The embodiment of evil." On a lighter note, I think it best to include one last quote from Pat Robertson, although I know when he said it he didn't mean it to be used like it is being used on his behalf these days.

"I have a zero tolerance for sanctimonious morons who try to scare people." - Pat Robertson.

Truer words have seldom been used against the speaker. I think the late Christopher Hitchens must have had a Robertson or Falwell (or Pence) in mind when he said, “We keep on being told that religion, whatever its imperfections, at least instills morality. On every side, there is conclusive evidence that the contrary is the case and that faith causes people to be more mean, more selfish, and perhaps above all, more stupid. Violent, irrational, intolerant, allied to racism and tribalism and bigotry, invested in ignorance and hostile to free inquiry, contemptuous of women and coercive toward children: organized religion ought to have a great deal on its conscience.”