New Rule #3

 

#3. New Rule: Unless you have significant experience as a public school teacher or administrator, you have a very limited window in which to complain about all the things you think public schools do wrong. All most parents really know about teaching, at least at the high school level,  can be summed up in Jim Palmer's evaluation of Earl Weaver's knowledge of pitching "All he knows is that it's hard, and he can't do it."  It is amazing  to me how many parents, who probably had bad experiences in school themselves, believe that every teacher their child (ren) ever had/have  chose their kids for their own personal vendetta. It is true that we get the occasional bratty little shithead, usually, we find at open house, a chip off the maternal or paternal block.  As a very experienced teacher, I can safely affirm that we  simply don't have time for it. Public schools and teachers are torn between the extreme liberal left, which wants us to be in loco parentis for eight hours every day, give moral guidance and teach sex ed and normal skills you should know by the age 12, conservatives who think natural selection and global warming are Satan's propaganda, and a federal government which thinks they know something about the process. 

          Can you say "No child left behind?"   That shopworn  Bush era hogwash actually assumes we live in Garrison Keillor's Lake Woebegon (if you don't get the reference, I ain't explainin') where "All the children are above average."  If your child has made it to high school and is of normal intelligence, they have the opportunity to get a decent education if they so desire. If you send them to us with no work ethic and no inkling of personal responsibility, they won't.  There are things you can do to help. Hold your kids accountable for their own education , and the vast majority of teachers will bend over backward to help them achieve their goals. Be present at school events other than your child's pre-expulsion hearing.

          If however, you want to help insure your child has little or no chance of maximizing their success, there are also things you can do; a list follows:

a: Give them everything  they ever wanedt with no responsibility - a car, an iphone, total absence from scrutiny regarding homework, assignments, etc. As an adjunct, never ever,  give them responsibilities at home.

b: Insist they get into AP courses to "buff up" their transcript, then go give the instructor hell when they earn  a "C" because you told them you "don't really care about the test."

c:  Always assume the teacher is a burnt out lout who has singled your kid out for harassment, and  always take your child's side no , matter how evident it becomes that just maybe you have a less than perfect child. Hover over the school, like Godzilla over Tokyo.

d. always insist that your child be placed in classes at least one level above their ability and flog them and their  teachers unmercifully if they don't make straight "A"s. Give them Ritalyn and Meth; heck, it got you through junior college , right? 

e. Never support arts programs or funding. Yeah, I know; every study ever done shows that students who participate in the arts are more well grounded and academically superior to those who aren't but hey, the football team needs a new CAT scan machine .

f. Always remember, the fact that you, the parent, were a shitty student had nothing to do with  the pot, the 40 hour a week job to support the car, or the nights up 'til 2 AM playing Super Mario brothers. Make sure they know you're cool and will buy them the keg  and the wine coolers so they can get shit faced in your home rather than on the road.

g. And last and best, if there is any minute thing (not talking about big things, like dyslexia, here)  different about your child's learning process, pull every string you can to get them evaluated as learning disabled. Make sure the school teaches them differently and then beat up the school if any fellow student notices.

See you at the PTA+ meeting!