More things I've learned

More things I've noticed

     Some native English speaking people are apparently unable to grasp the fact that in words like couldn't and didn't there is only one vowel sound. the word is "could- n't with the nt pronounced as a stop. There is no vowel either written or pronounced after the "d' and before the "n't."  Pronunciations like could-ent  and did-ent are just wrong. Stop it.

     The more vociferously a politician proclaims their deep religious conviction, the less their actions reflect it.

     There is a mathematical manner in which one can express the need to use the restroom and the proximity of same. I just don't have the skill to mathematically formulate the following observation.  When one is relatively  far from a facility, the need to "go" can seem somewhat constant over time. Within a radius of   about 5 yards from a suitable facility,  however, the need increases logarithmically inversely proportionally to the distance remaining to get there before having an uncontrolled release of said waste water.

     Fox News invariably has over the last 7 years typically referred to the President as Barack Hussein Obama , prompting the ever prone to foot in mouth  Ms. Palin to proclaim, "Hussein? That's Muslim to me!"  Several years ago I pointed out that "Sarah is decidedly Hebrew, so the ex-governor must be Jewish........(crickets).  If, however, a news organization insists on using the entire name of a candidate why aren't we seeing John Ellis Bush, Marco Antonio Rubio or Rafael Eduardo Cruz? Even better,  at the start of primary season where was  Piyush Jindal?

     Considering the vile and combative nature of the current crop of GOP  candidates, One can almost believe that H.L. Mencken, "The Sage of Baltimore" was right when he said,  "On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." It must, in all fairness be noted that Mencken didn't live long enough to witness the intellectual wasteland that was George W. Bush, or he probably wouldn't have used the future tense.

     Many of the candidates running for elective office this election season seem to be approaching the upcoming plebiscite  on the premise that  the principle  aim of Practical Presidential Politics is to keep the populace angry and alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins and "isms," all of them either imaginary or self generated.

      I am convinced to an increasing certainty almost daily, that we now have seen the drug manufacturers shift from noting a disease and then developing treatments, to naming a drug and then inventing a disease for it. There was a time (no really, there was!) when doctors would identify a disease or syndrome by actually speaking the  words which named it. Hard to believe I know, since today every disease and/or syndrome/symptom has been reduced to initials. PAD, IBS, OIC, PDQ, IOU, etc, etc.  It is also increasingly obvious that any treatment will be more effective in direct ratio to the number of "X"s or "Z" s in its name. Accordingly, I'm proposing several new areas for research. In these instances, unlike some others the name conveys a general sense of the drug's purpose.

Zquirtix  - a new snappy sounding drug to treat OIC (Opiod Induced Constipation. No further explanation required.

Puttzinx - This treats a diagnosed , but hitherto untreated syndrome in which golfers are unable to place the dimpled ball into the round hole. Poor putting may be a thing of the past. I've already signed Phil Mickleson to do promos!

Ztinkless -  Say goodbye to fear of crowded elevators! This medication is specifically designed to chemically alter methane with the result that it resembles rosewater in aroma.

Flaxeznot - This new treatment for an old problem makes coal tar shampoos obsolete. Taken orally it causes the scalp to secret a clear gelatinous substance which, while not reducing dandruff, essentially glues it  to the scalp until the release agent, sold by the same company, is applied when shampooing.

Nerdznomore - another oral medication which stimulates the male body -  any male body -  to produce attractant pheromones, irresistible to the fairer sex. A spray version is in development which can be stored in what looks like a pen and will handily fit in pocket protector.