Even More Ways People Don't Use language Good

 

                   Even more ways people don’t use                      language good:

 

                I have former colleagues who are English teachers, or as they are now known – “Language Arts” teachers.  Unfortunately, the “art” part seems to be shriveling on the vine.  They frequently hover somewhere between outrage, depression, resigned doldrum and despair, due to the horrific things being done to the English language these days. We seem to be bombarded from all quarters with perversions of the language. I reflected on some more of the things that drive them and me nuts and came up with this partial list of additional execrable things, in addition to those in a recent rant, which I find annoying.

 

.   1. No word in the language is made plural by the use of an apostrophe followed by an "s"! Not a one, none, zip, nada. period.  Yet we see TV ads and signboards paid for, I assume, by persons who want "consumer's" to appreciate their superior "product's." I wish I was making this up, but the other day I saw an advertisement for "donut's."  A misspelling wrapped in a mis-punctuation ...aargh, make it stop!

2. A point that is so obvious or so immutable that arguing it is pointless is "moot."  It isn't "mute", as about 60 % of Americans spell and pronounce it. Of course, if it were actually mute, there couldn't be an argument anyway.

 3. There are three homophones (sometimes confused with the word homonym and having nothing to do with sexuality) that sound like "there."  Unfortunately, in Facebook Speak, a particularly virulent form of language abuse, they are used interchangeably: “there” (in that place), “their” (Facebook land), with no regard to their (plural possessive) totally different meaning, and “they're” (contraction for "they are") This is one of the more heinous examples of this genre, but is followed closely by the all too frequent bastardization of “you're” and “your”, as in, “You're (contraction of you are) clearly demonstrating  your syntactical illiteracy (it belongs to you) by the entry on your Facebook page.”

4. Just as bad is the misuse of the word “board.” I've seen entries such as "I'm board (in fact, a piece of wood)."   The correct terminology, (unless proudly proclaiming “wood”), is, of course, “I'm bored,” as in “I need something to do” These could be self-correcting if you use some imagination.

5. We are frequently bombarded by commercials urging us to use a product or plan an event or order food "How you want it". This is really common and really incorrect. You can have it the way you want it, or as you want it; or if you're Shakespeare, "As You Like it." Them's the choices.

6. Very few things in the Universe are so homogeneous that the word "totally" is apt or appropriate five or six times in a sentence when describing it or them. Just stop it! Ok? Ok! 

7. I thought this discussion was laid to rest in a great episode of Murphy Brown, but it lives on around here.  What the hell does "alls I know" mean? (as in: "Well, alls I know is that he got a hernia.”) The only words that are even homophones for this non-word ("alls") are "awls" as in several leatherworking tools and a selection of what Paula Deen dresses salads with - "oils" -pronounced awls, as in "Awl and Vinegar dressin'")

8." Irregardless" isn't a real word, it is a distressingly more and more frequent irregular usage of "regardless."  If you doubt me, open up your word processor, type "irregardless" and spell check it. Guess what the proffered correction is? “Irregardless" isn't a real word, it is a distressingly more and more frequent irregular usage of "regardless." You guessed it - regardless. Microsoft Word said it, so be it.

9. “I know, right?” No, Luther, I don’t know – wrong! This doesn’t fit anywhere, except as in a “filler” phrase which is made relatively meaningless by adding a totally gratuitous “right.?” If you actually utter this nonsensical drivel, you have already agreed with another statement, so why ask them if they agree with what they’ve just said, “right?”

10. A definitive, uniquely designated thing is "specific." The Ocean west of the Americas is Pacific. I can't give you a "Pacific reason" for your linguistic shortcomings other than gross ignorance.

11. The last, and most convoluted of my list (to date) is two homonyms and a homophone, all of which I have seen thoroughly confused and misapplied.  “Through” (as in via), “through” (as in finished, used far more than it should be, when “finished,” “over” and/or “done” are better words.), and “threw”, (as in tossed) seem to be essentially interchangeable in the minds of many these days. An abused cousin of these three is “thorough” (as in complete, comprehensive), which is often inappropriately abridged in Ad speak to thoro.   On the bright side there is one application of these which everyone gets right/wrong.  If someone barfs, hurls, heaves, pukes, yawns in Technicolor, sells Buicks or upchucks, we all say they “threw up.” No one says "he through" up. On the other hand, "it" never stays "up", but always comes down, usually on someone's shoes, hair or back seat.

And I do believe that's all I have to say about that (for now).