The Daily News

So, crossword done, Sudoku done, Jumble done, and I turn to the news.

        Todays pretentious beverage review was an effusive critique of, of all things, Coors beer. I recall being told, decades ago, of this amazing beer that couldn’t be had east of the Mississippi. I had visions of nectar of the Gods, conveying immortality, eternal youth, etc. This was made even more mythic by “Smoky and The Bandit”, which, in case you’ve forgotten, centered on Jerry Reed transporting a semi full of Coors “back East,” while Burt Reynolds canoodled with the ever cute Sally Field and stymied Sherriff Jackie Gleason as a diversion.

I still recall that first sip of what, I was sure, would elevate me to a higher plane of the beer Illuminati. I was wrong. It’s just beer, and a barely average light lager at that. So much for legends.

        In the “You Can’t Make this Shit Up” segment of today’s rant, 28 contagious (is that redundant?) Scientologists are still sequestered aboard the “SeaOrg” vessel, the “Freewinds” due to a measles outbreak. Apparently, Darwin was correct. Anyone with even a smattering of knowledge regarding L. Ron Hubbard’s farcical invention, knows that the word “Free” has no place in anything related to Scientology unless you’re Tom Cruise, on which case everything is free as long as you perform the annual meat puppet show for the newbies. The funny, which is at the end of the article is that the doctor in Curacao who has imposed the quarantine is…wait for it,…Doctor Izzy Gerstenbluth. (yeah, really!) Somewhere Mel Brooks is busting a gut.

        On a far more serious and disturbing note, “Heartbeat Abortion Bans Advance in Louisiana and Mississippi.”  This the headline and pretty well sums up the gist of the item.

I wrote on this recently but feel compelled to restate my principal point. These and other such laws are driven by Evangelical Christians and/or Roman Catholics (for the most part). These laws, if enacted  would apply to all residents of their respective states, regardless of religious beliefs or lack thereof. These same folks, however, would be homicidally outraged if anyone even suggested allowing any aspect of Sharia to apply in Muslim communities within their state. So, let’s recap, if it’s “your” brand of superstition, it is perfectly permissible to impose it on the body politic as a whole, whether or not they share your views on the issue. But, while demanding tolerance of their viewpoint and conformity to their position, they cede no such tolerance to others. How very Christian of them!

        Finally, this laugher, “Is Garth Brooks Bigger Than the Beatles?”  Once I stopped snorting my cran-raspberry juice through my nose, I read the following analysis, which I will greatly abbreviate:

Albums sold:  Brooks-148 million, Beatles-178 million (this is misleading, if one considers all the Beatles’ efforts including individual ones, which takes the total album sales to over 800 million!

Diamond albums (10 million sold): Brooks -7, Beatles-6

Boxed sets (produced, not sold): Brooks-8, Beatles-16

In fact, these statistics are not probative of any Brooks superiority or “bigness” and they ignore other statistics which are as indicative or more so of the overall musical stature of the two entities:

Platinum albums: Brooks – 30, Beatles-42

Original songs recorded: Brooks- few if any, none of which he authored individually      Beatles- 207 original songs.

Beatles top ten Billboard hot 100 hits – 34, 20 @ #1

Brooks top ten Billboard hot 100 hits – One, as Chris Gaines, none as himself.

       So obviously we’re comparing apples to oranges here, but I would suggest that comparing a county artist to a pop artist is an exercise in futility, since it is rather rare for a country artist, cover or otherwise to hit the Pop charts. On the other hand, “Revolution,” “Get back,” “I Feel Fine”, and “I Don’t Want to spoil the Party” (Lennon-McCartney) and “Something” (Harrison) have all hit the country charts.

        Considering the Beatles active career as a performing entity was only ten years, and Brooks, so far has been at it for 30 active years, the bodies of work should be significantly disparate, and they are. I guess what you must ask yourself is how the collective musical legacies of Lennon and McCartney, and Harrison, as performers and songwriters, will stack up to the original material legacy of Garth Brooks. In essence, comparing Brooks, a talented singer/performer but not renowned as a song writer or player of anything but rhythm guitar to the multi-talented Beatles of Sgt. Peppers/White/Abbey Road is like comparing the driver of a Jaguar to the team which designed, manufactured and test drove it.