Just Stop It!

Dear Political spammers: Stop it, just friggin’ stop it.

In the past several days I’ve been subjected to e-mails asking my opinion,  only to find,  as I knew I would, that my opinion counts far less than the possibility that I might donate (I won’t) to whichever candidate you’re shilling for. If you seek my opinion, stop making it contingent on money; if you seek my fiduciary support, it’s contingent on your platform.

Additionally, stop asking me to support a candidate I can never vote for since he’s running in Georgia, and even more specifically because he’s a Christian minister, who if he’s true to his vows, cannot ever put the Constitution or his constituents first.   

Furthermore, learn some actual statistical sampling techniques and stop injecting such response bias into your “polls.” As an example, “Do you support the bastard, fascist, piggish Donald Trump?” isn’t really an opinion question, since the phrasing already is.

Next, stop asking asinine questions which have zero impact on coming events. “Do you support President Obama?” Well, Jethro, of course I did, while he was President and I still hold him in high regard, but what the hell is the use of my response? If you’re telling me supporting Obama guarantees Biden will   do the same, that’s fatuous at best. I liked JFK; does that mean I should have liked Lyndon Johnson, too? Eisenhower was an admirable man; Nixon was a Dick. (see what I did there?)

Then: Asking me whether Nancy Pelosi should be House Speaker reflects your low estimation of my comprehension of how she was chosen in the first place. If I am ever a Democratic Congressman and we still control the House, then ask me. Otherwise STAFU. (I prefer that to actually having to type out “Shut The Actual Fuck Up” every time I wish to convey that sentiment, which has been fairly (too) often recently)

Or: “As one of our top members, you’ve been Pre-Selected to represent The Villages in our brief, new Protect Voting Rights Questionnaire.”  Really? One of whose top members? I’m not a “member” of any organization which even has a membership status. Do the other 128,000 residents know I’ve been chosen? I’ll bet the Republicans don’t even want my representation.
 

Moreover:  Just write the message without a preface like “Holy shit, Mitch McConnell is hysterical” or “What a tragedy; we’re losing Wisconsin.” I know you’re trying to get the reader’s attention but it’s a sophomoric ploy.

And finally, for now, quit making statements based on what might conceivably happen, but almost certainly won’t, like “Your local post office to close next week.” No, it’s not, just stop it.

Addendum, today’s fave just in; I kid you not: “What does George W. Bush think of Donald Trump?” To answer a question with a question, “How the hell should I know and why the hell should I care?”

And, sort of related, on the way home from the grocery store this morning, my cell phone rang. It shows up on the screen and I answer, hands free,  by pushing a button on the steering wheel, (thanks, Bluetooth.) 

I’m driving a vehicle with 7 plus years and/or 78,000 miles of bumper to bumper warranty remaining, but the sweet, young, voice on the phone, calling from “dealer services”, informs me she’s “calling with regard to your car’s extended warranty.” I have no idea what she said next because I hung up. I have no problem with the concept of warranty coverage for one’s vehicle. I traded a wonderful Hyundai Santa Fe with 98,500 miles just because the mileage warranty was about to expire at 100k. It was in fine shape, but I won’t have a car without warranty coverage.

 "Dealer services" represents no real “dealer”.  As proof, sometime ago I got the call and the young person said she was calling about a car I hadn’t owned for four years, a 2009 Saturn Vue. I asked her if she represented Saturn, and after a pause, she “bit” and said “yes.” I informed her that Saturn had been out of business for three years, by then.  Gaining points for resilience, she paused, just briefly, and then blithely asked if I had "Any other cars I wanted to buy an extended warranty for."  I hung up.