News and Other Ludicrous Diversions

News and Other Diversions

        Apparently, the baggage carousel at the Newark airport had an unexpected passenger yesterday, as a small girl spotted a snake of about 15 inches in length, apparently having emerged from an undetermined piece of luggage. Airport personnel, responding to the screams and after determining that the snake was of a harmless variety, removed it from the carousel. The airport director, however added to the report that the owner need not call the airport or expect the return of their pet.

       

        "I thought the prime minister's statement that it was an absurd idea, was nasty," he said. "All they had to do was say, ‘No, we'd rather not do that,’ or, ‘We'd rather not talk about it.’ Don't say, ‘what an absurd idea that is.’ Excuse me, she's not talking to me. She's talking to the United States of America. You don't talk to the United States that way."

       Thus, spake his rotundity, the Cheeto in Chief, regarding the Danish response to the idea of the US "buying" Greenland.  Why don’t you “Talk to the United States that way?” He does it to others all the time. A small sampling follows:

“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”

 President Donald Trump on Tuesday criticized Jewish Americans who vote for Democrats, saying "it shows either a total lack of knowledge or great disloyalty."

“What's happening in Germany, I always thought Merkel was like this great leader. What she's done in Germany is insane. It is insane.”

“And nobody ever mentions North Korea where you have this maniac sitting there ….”

"Why are we having all these people from shit-hole countries come here?" Trump said, according to these people, referring to countries mentioned by the lawmakers.
“I have been very critical about the way the U.K. and Prime Minister Theresa May handled Brexit. What a mess she and her representatives have created. I told her how it should be done, but she decided to go another way.”

Traveling on Air Force One to Singapore for the historic summit with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, Trump charged (Canadian Prime Minister )Trudeau with “false statements” and accused him of being “dishonest” and “weak.”

“I think I’m going to do very well with Hispanics. But we’re building a wall. He’s a Mexican. We’re building a wall between here and Mexico,” Trump said later in the interview, speaking of U.S. District Judge Gonzalo Curiel, who was born in Indiana to Mexican immigrant parents. “This judge is giving us unfair rulings. Now I say why. Well, I want to — I’m building a wall, OK? And it’s a wall between Mexico, (ed: huh??)  not another country.”

        This constitutes but a sampling (and not the worst) of the insults hurled with bad intent at other nations, other world leaders and ethnic groups by Donald Trump, who now takes umbrage at a non-positive characterization, not of an individual, nation or ethnic group  but at a suggestion. The real issue is that little Donny must always be right and respected. It’s the only way his personal narrative works. What a sad, pathetic little man.

        Another day, another truly ludicrous wine review. Again, with the “crushed-rock minerality” and “hints of stone fruit.” Here’s an actual example of the worst of the genre: “Aromas of rich dark currants, nectarine skins, gushing blackberry, but lots of fragrant tobacco, rich soil, white flowers, smashed minerals and metal. Medium-bodied and saucy but racy acidity stabilizes the wine nicely with the robust tannins. Deep red currants and ripe cherries, laden with mocha, loamy soil, charred herbs, pencil shavings, roasted hazelnut.” I reiterate, this is a real, published, review!

         An addendum to most of these seems to be the effort to convey the impression that the reviewer has, what must surely be, the most varied and expensive palate in the universe. We are treated to such recommendations as: "Pairs well with:  Thai Red Curry Soup with Tiger Prawns, Lobster Risotto with Tarragon Lobster Bisque, or Pork Belly marinated in orange and ginger." Another included "coconut butter squash soup and trifle of roasted pumpkin and vanilla bean creme fraiche.” Really? Can’t I just drink it without the hyperbole and snotty allusion to dishes that no local restaurant serves?  Which, of course, ignores the reality that what one person tastes is never precisely the same as another.  

        All these questions have inspired me to write my own snotty wine/snob review.

"2015 Toad Wallow Red Blend: Comprised of  5% Sangiovese, 20% Syrah, and 75% Muscadine, this nice little wine from the oenologists at Toad Wallow, one of Rhode Island’s rising star vineyards, hits the nose like a peach cobbler fart. The 2 month aging in used kerosene drums is, in no small part, a factor in its unique character.  This whimsical “first nose” is followed by the crisp, yet cloyingly sweet, Muscadine with a nuanced undertone of Robitussin and black bean paste, married with overripe quince preserves. Allowing it to breathe will coax forth subtle, yet presumptuous, suggestions of crushed yellow chalk sautéed in bacon grease, peat moss, pine sol and just a hint of the Syrah, blooming in the mouth with a viscous and syrupy feel to a full-blown raspberry Kool Aid finish."

"Pairs well with strong flavored entrees such as pureed toasted Goat Scrotum, Cod Cheeks and Sweetbreads in Okra Aspic, chilled Opossum Tartare or Bleu Cheese, Anchovy and Sheep’s Liver compote." 

See what I mean?