I get that many were disgusted by
the almost kiddy porn nature of the pathetic post Hannah Montana Ms. Cyrus bumping and grinding her way across the
stage as if she were in estrus. What I find harder to grasp is the “shock” and
dismay of persons in the industry who apparently have been out of touch with their
world for about the last ten years.
By comparison with some other
examples we have seen recently, Miley was pitiful, but by no means the worst of
the lot. A partial list follows:
Miley Cyrus can, at least nominally,
sing. Kim Kardashian’s sole talent is
(apparently to date) sexual intercourse, either on camera or with her beau du
jour. All through the recent pregnancy, we were treated to ever more revealing
photos of her burgeoning body parts crammed into bikinis that made Miley’s VMA outfit
look like a nun’s habit (ok, ok, that’s a stretch, but permit me license for effect).
Where was the outrage?
Honey Boo Boo’s pathetic child
abuser of a mother (yeah, it’s child abuse) continues to have the bully pulpit
offered by TV producers with no taste and even less restraint. Where’s the
public outcry?
Donald Trump, replete with blonde wombat apparently stapled to his scalp,
continues to be provided a TV platform from which to spew his blither and
blather about his “genius” and the egotistic fantasy that he, in some indeterminable
fashion, serves a purpose on the planet other than a receptacle for ridicule. Why
are Americans watching this blowhard who has nothing but contempt for most of
them?
The Batchelor, and its ilk show the
absolute worst side of real relationships and yet the ratings keep it alive
despite its status as barely concealed serial prostitution.
Americans continue to attach
entertainment value to toothless, semi literates who: swim with alligators,
subsist on a diet of catfish and grits, gull tons of people into buying duck calls or
threaten to shoot trespassers when the world ends. Why?
Former Congressman Weiner and the recently disgraced mayor of San
Diego actually have scores of ardent supporters who are apparently fine with
their sexual peregrinations, and want them to retain positions of authority.
The fact that any sentient human
has ever watched any episode of “The Real Housewives of (your town here)” is
proof of a gap in social taste through which the QE2 could safely sail.
All these references are provided simply to
show that while Ms. Cyrus’ antics may have been offensive to some (me included),
the bar has been lowered so much and in
so many worse ways by the media in response to the vast unwashed masses of
people with nothing better to do, that it would be hard to project how much
worse it could become.
That said, however, It is fun to
speculate what might be next. Here are some reality shows being considered by
those network genii who actually believed Kris Jenner had talent.
“Celebrity I-Spy”: The Kardashian girls are placed in a small
motel room. After Kim gets dressed
(false alarm, no movies today), The first
one who can find the door and leave wins a date with block b at Pelican Bay super
max. The first of the remaining ones to correctly guess who left gets to leave the state and try to forget their years at home.
“Coordination Countown”: The Real Housewives
(funny, I just misspelled “housewives” as “hosewives” – Freudian slip?) of Las Vegas
are dropped in front of a CVS. The first to find chewing gum, unwrap it, and walk ten steps while chewing without
falling wins.
“Trick or Tweet”: Elliot Weiner and
three underage girls are left alone in a motel room. If he can actually be “ready
to perform” before the girls can tweet their disgust and call the police, they
all win. If not, they all still win as he is taken away by the police.
“What’s up, Chuck?” : A group of
rational adults are placed in a screening room and an episode of “Here comes Honey Boo Boo”
is screened. Last one to puke gets to sit through another episode, the rest may
leave as soon as they have cleaned themselves up.
“Orange Crush”: Three large African American Clemson
football players play rock, scissors and paper. Last man standing gets to cram
a basketball (or whatever) up Rush Limbaugh’s buttocks.
“ Backside Brothers”: Rand Paul, Ted Cruz and Rick Perry are put in
a pitch black room and each is given a flashlight and a mirror. At the signal, the one who finds his own ass first
wins a date with Michelle Bachmann, the losers….well, maybe the winner is the
loser!
These are just a few in the
planning stages, there will surely be more and worse to come.
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