Toward more colorful language!

New Rule #15: To move modern idiomatic English into the  21st century, we need more really good  negating/contradictory and analogous   "catch phrases."

          I  know, I know......"Mike,  what the hell are you babbling about?" Let me explain.  There are a limited number of  really good catch phrases available to one when attempting to show that something suggested or even demanded is actually not necessary, but that the suggestion itself is actually contradictory to reason. Similarly, there relatively few examples of analogous  phrases (similes) The same old stale phrases include, "Like a hole in the head," "like a lead balloon (an analogy as well)". "Like a pregnant nun," etc. Feminists will rush to add Patricia Dunn's phrase (hijacked by Gloria Steinem): "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." Similes include "Like a baby loves his toy", etc

          To this end, and because I have that kind of time, I shall append a list of suggested alternates. Since I shall post this relatively short New Rule to Facebook, please feel free to add suggestions of your own. The management thanks you; stay thirsty my friends..

Contradictory:  " Rush Limbaugh needs to be more of an asshole.......  

"Like Donald Trump needs a bad hair day,"

"Like Angelina's lips need collagen"

"Like Newt Gingrich needs an ego boost"

"Like Kim Kardashian needs butt implants"

"Like Yo Yo Ma needs cello lessons"

"Like Honey Boo Boo needs an energy drink"

" Like Rick Santorum needs to learn to be sanctimonious"

" Like Barack Obama needs hip lessons"

"Like Mitt Romney needs to whiten up"

"Like Lindsay Lohan needs a beer"

"Like Johnny Depp needs 'cool' lessons"

" Like Sean Penn needs a temper"

" Like the Hulk needs a gym"

" Like Barry Manilow needs a girlfriend"

" Like Meryl Streep needs acting lessons"

"Like the Tea Party needs to dumb down their message"

" Like Mel Gibson needs a bad career move"

 

Unlikely: " Donald Trump ever being sincerely humble is as unlikely as.........  

"  Bill O'Reilly writing  his own books"

"  Susan Sarandon aging badly"

"  Glenn Beck making sense"

"  Fox News being 'fair and balanced' "

" Charles Barkley breaking 90"'

"  Sean Hannity  marrying Rachel Maddow"

" Al Sharpton's  keynote address at  a Klan meeting"

" Mountain climbing in Venice"

" Rick Perry evolving"

" Tim Tebow's  legitimacy as a  QB"

" Pat Robertson's being  relevant"

"Adam Sandler 's Oscar nomination"

"Ballet, Gangnam style"

" A seeing eye Chihuahua"

"Linda Hunt having  sex  with Yao Ming"

 

Semi Analogous:  " Rush Limbaugh loves food and pain killers like....

" Bill Clinton loves a good cigar"

" Ted Nugent loves assault weapons"

" Kris Jenner loves Botox"

" Like Kenny Rogers would love to close his eyes"

" Like Nicole Ritchie loves puking"

" Like Pee Wee  Herman loves his hand"

" Jesse Jackson loves his own voice"

" Like "W" loves .....? ol'  what's his name?'

"  Paris Hilton  loves home movies"

"  Lana Del Ray would love to be able to sing"

"  The mentally challenged  love 'Hillbilly Handfishin' "

"  Hallmark loves holidays"

"  A cat loves a can opener"

"  A  dog loves a strange butt "

"  Snooki loves publicity"

"  Barack Obama remembering election night"